God’s been speaking to me about waiting recently – both waiting on Him and spending time with Him, but also what goes on when we wait. Interestingly, I’m speaking at church tomorrow on Acts 1:15-23, which is about the believers waiting in Jerusalem for the Holy Spirit to fall. It’s actually amazing how much waiting there is in the bible when you get down to it!
Being a good evangelical, I came up with with 4 “T”s as to what a period of waiting might be about:
Telling
Is God trying to tell us something? Perhaps about unconfessed sin or disobedience, or perhaps some other message.
Timing
God has a plan, and perhaps the time is not yet right?
Testing
Are we serious about what we’re asking?
Training
Patience is a gift of the spirit (Gal 5:22) and part of the nature of God (e.e. Psalm 145: “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love”.
One of the outcomes of A.’s and my personal period of waiting for her recovery is that we now spend 10 or 15 minutes every day just listening to God together – spending time with Him as a couple. I’m ashamed to admit it’s taken over 6 years of marriage to get this point! But there are amazing times – in only a few days of doing it, God has spoken to us, and even when he doesn’t say anything, I feel so much closer to Him and A. as a result. Our vicar was encouraging us to “drink together”, and I think we’re finally starting to do it.
On a different note, I’m very excited because I got the reading list from Trinity College yesterday. Utterly bamboozled by the modules to choose from and books to read, but I’m hugely excited. Hopefully I can borrow most off the library at work, or friends at church, but I’ve already ordered 2 that look like they would be very useful reference book. I guess I’ll need to start a folder to scribble down notes about each one!
Had a trip to Ikea on Wednesday, to buy up some bits and pieces for the house. By three-quarters of the way round I’d decided I’d become a zen master of self-control, as I hadn’t got anything which wasn’t on my list…
… ’till a pot-plant leapt out at me that was just perfect for the spare room. Sigh.
Actually I still felt pretty good, because the plant was nearly on the list anyway (we knew we needed one, but hadn’t planned on getting it from Ikea) – plus they didn’t have one of the other items that was on the list, so I ended up spending less than I’d originally planned.
Can’t say I wasn’t very tempted by a whole host of fiddle-faddle, mind!
Been listening to our Eurovision Song entry for this year – catchy little number, isn’t it? I’ve not caught all the lyrics yet, but it would appear to be sung by a bunch of school-kids complaining about the teachers not being in a good position to teach them because “it’s a long time since they’ve had a teenage life” (more or less).
At first glance this is a very appealing argument – “you’ve got no idea what we’re going through – it’s so easy for you to stand at the front and spout out stuff.” It seems to me that a second glance almost completely demolishes this line of thinking. If we’re talking about education, that is the passing on of knowledge to the next generation and equipping with skills for life, then it seems to be “a long time since a teenage life” is exactly the right qualification.
Don’t get me wrong – I can still remember the angst-ridden depths of teenagedom, and it’s absolutely vital for teachers to build meaningful, understanding relationship with their pupils – but actually a bit of life experience brings a wider perspective; At the end of the day the (at the time) absolute unmitigated diasters and inconsolable heartbreak I had as a young man weren’t that bad in retrospect, and I actually survived them!
One also has to ask the question of whether someone prone to mood-swings, hyperactive sex-drive, “whole world is against me”, “no-one understands me” etc etc is really who you’d want in a position of authority over you? Clearly some young people are more mature than others, and I’m as guilty of stereoptyping as the song-writers, but I think my point is valid.
Of course, then there’s the academic question – the whole point is to learn… Now I’m biased here because I love learning, and on that front really enjoyed school: but actually if you’re going to be taught you want someone to teach you who is (a) passionate about their subject, and (b) studied it in depth themselves. Not very many teenagers have a degree in any subject!
Of course there are poor teachers, who fail to inspire or control the class, and there are poor schools which must be a nightmare to attend. I think the pressures of sex, drugs, and violence are much clearer even then when I was at school. And of course some school-children have extremely difficult personal circumstances. And I am 100% behind peer teaching, especially in a committed and interested group like a Church youth group. I’d go so far as to say I’d be disappointed if members of a (especially older) youth group weren’t leading sessions. But to imagine a school setup with entirely school-age teachers would end up as anything other than Lord of the Flies is very short-sighted, I reckon.
For some reason, Morning Prayer has jumped across to Numbers – but is there the first reported case of Bird Flu here?
Then a wind went out from the Lord, and it brought quails from the sea and let them fall beside the camp, about a day’s journey on this side and a day’s journey on the other side, all around the camp, about two cubits deep on the ground. So the people worked all that day and night and all the next day, gathering the quails; the least anyone gathered was ten homers; and they spread them out for themselves all around the camp. But while the meat was still between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very great plague.
Numbers 11 31-33
Actually the context of this is interesting – Moses has having a rough time and wanted to jack it all in, so God told him to appoint 70 elders to help him look after the people. It’s another example of getting right to the end of our tether, then God stepping in with the solution.
As for the Bird Flu; 2 days is probably pretty fast for incubation… unless of course the meat was hung for a bit before they started to eat it?
This morning’s OT reading was from Exodus, all about the people offering bits and pieces for the building of the tent of meeting. The bit that really struck me was about Bezalel, and what an extraordinary chap he must have been…
See, the Lord has called by name Bezalel son of Uri son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah; he has filled him with divine spirit, with skill, intelligence, and knowledge in every kind of craft, to devise artistic designs, to work in gold, silver, and bronze, in cutting stones for setting, and in carving wood, in every kind of craft. And he has inspired him to teach, both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamach, of the tribe of Dan. He has filled them with skill to do every kind of work done by an artisan or by a designer or by an embroiderer in blue, purple, and crimson yarns, and in fine linen, or by a weaver  by any sort of artisan or skilled designer.
Exodus 35:30-35
So here was a guy who basically could
draw
work in gold silver and bronze
cut and dress stones
craft wood
design
embroider
weave
.. and anything else arty crafty
… teach other people
…. and do to the standard of a master in any of these fields
…… and (presumably) learnt it all while in slavery having to spend all day making bricks without straw in Egypt!!
Perhaps it’s because I’m artistically challenged, but what an amazingly talented guy – sure you can imagine someone who can embroider and weave, but who can also work metal, stone, and wood? I guess it’s a reflection of God’s creativity and generosity in pouring out His Spirit – and the really exciting thing for us is that while the Holy Spirit was poured out on selected individuals in the OT, in the NT we know He is poured out to everyone who believes (and asks). Wow!
The slightly odd title today is because there were two other stories I wanted to record, which didn’t really seem worth their own entries. The first is about Polycell Stain Block – it’s incredible stuff! I had a small accident with a radiator while decorating our spare room, which resulted in a very unsightly (but harmless) watermark on our sitting room ceiling. This was a problem on two counts – one because we’d recently(ish) decorated that room, so having a huge blodge on the ceiling was a shame, but two – and mainly – because we’re about to put the house on the market for our Big Move down to Bristol.
Anyway, I knew I needed to get some stain blocker to stop the mark coming through, and then I’d have to paint it over, a process I was dreading as I wasn’t sure the stain block would work, and I was sure the ceiling would be slightly off-white by now so that we’d have to repaint the whole lot to avoid an obvious white patch.
Cue Polycell Stain Block spray – put down a dust sheet, put up a ladder, climb and spray the ceiling. 15 minutes later it’s dry, and basically invisible, except for a tiny bit of stain showing through. A second spray, and you wouldn’t know it was ever anything other than white. Absolutely amazing stuff – no need to paint over it at all! Obviously if the ceiling hadn’t have been white we’d have had to slap some paint on, but it was so quick, easy, and effectively I was absolutely staggered. Top marks for Polycell. I have a feeling there’s a sermon illustration in here somewhere – “white as a ceiling, though our sins were as a watermark”. The only problem with it is that in one sense the stain is still there, only hidden from view/covered up, whereas with Jesus the stain is totally removed… Nevertheless it would certainly wake me up if the Vic got out a spray can of Stain Block in his or her sermon!
The last point is a “proud-parent” story; feel free to switch off now! One of the things my little boy does is refer to any drink in a mug as a “cuppa tea”. Most of the time he’s right, but I’ve been trying to teach him that when daddy uses a cafetierre (which is apparently a brand name, like “Hoover”, rather than the actual name of the device), it means the beverage is a “cuppa coffee”. Limited success. So I take a different tack.
“Ben,” say I. “This is a ‘cafetierre’ – used for making coffee.”
Last night’s T.I.D.E. was all about the scripture. While I didn’t agree with absolutely everything that was said, one thing that did strike me was when the speaker said that she never reads the Bible without her notebook open beside her. She was once told “Why do you expect the Almighty God to speak to you if you’re not even prepared to write it down.”
This I found quite a challenge on a number of fronts – do I really expect God to speak everytime I open the bible? Do I always read scripture in such a way that I am listening in case God wants to speak. Do I ever read scripture like this (in my own personal time with God, rather than when preparing a sermon or whatever)?
So this morning I decided to slow down my reading during Morning Prayer, and really concentrate on the words, just to see if there was any little nugget I might find, or indeed if God might speak.
I can’t say I had any great revelation, but two things struck me about the Psalm, which was 139 – “Oh God you have search me and know me”. This is an extremely familiar psalm, much of which I know by heart (thanks to Andy Piercy’s song) – but the first part of v2 really struck me in a way I’m not sure it ever has before:
You mark out my journeys and my resting place
and are acquainted with all my ways.
It’s easy to think God marks out our journeys – when we’re out there doing stuff, especially stuff for God. But He also marks out our resting places. That is when we’re not doing anything, and life is in a holding pattern, God is still very much there in the middle of it.
The second thing that struck is that for the first time I understood something of what vv 19 and 22 are about:
19O that you would slay the wicked, O God,
that the bloodthirsty might depart from me!
22I hate them with a perfect hatred;
they have become my own enemies also.
In the past this has always jarred, compared with the beautiful and gentle preceding verses, but I think having taken the whole Pslam really slowly, and come into the presence of this awesome God, I felt for the first time some of the anger the Psalmist expresses at those people who hurt, reject, and despise this amazing loving God. I might not got so far as to say “I hate them with a perfect hatred”, but I am just starting to get a glimpse of what might be going on. CS Lewis’s Reflection on the Psalms talk about this quite a lot, and it’s a book I’ve found very helpful, incidentally.
In our house group at the moment we’re watching a video of the TIDE course (Training In Discipleship and Evangelism) that is really really good. We’re only the second session, but already we feel that God has spoken to us and challenged us through it.
In particulary, session 2 was about holiness, and transparency, and I felt God saying that He wants us to have a “zero tolerance” approach to our own sin. It’s easy to adopt lots of little compromises, or think that historical sins can just be forgotten – but God rather wants his people to be absolutely pure, no skeletons in our closets!
Of course, we can’t go back and change the past, but what we can do is first and foremost confess it to God (and we know this only has to be done once – after that it’s dealt with and forgotten by God!), but we also, I believe, should make amends if possible. This might mean seeking out a person we’ve wronged and apologising, returning an item we borrowed but never returned. Rather awkwardly, it probably needs to be confessed to another person (be that the wronged party, or someone you know and trust).
In one sense none of this is new – but I think the thing that really struck me was that everything matters to God, even the stuff that seems really trivial. The three that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind were apparantly very small things from 16, 11, and 3 years ago respectively, but which never-the-less God had prompted me about many times, but I’d either waved away as silly, or delibrately ignored as I didn’t want to face the consequences.
And you know what – I’m deeply ashamed to say that it’s taken a serious illness of someone close to me that really stop and think about my priorities, and the holiness God is calling us, as Christians too. I think that zero sin is an inattainable goal for this life, but zero tolerance of sin needs to be taken on-board by everyone who would follow the Holy One.
Incidently, the TIDE course is produced by an organisation called Firelighters – find out more at www.firelighters.org.uk
To be honest, not all that. I’d be the first to concede this might be in part due to the watching conditions, which weren’t very good – but I failed to be absorbed. It’s hard to put my finger on why. So much of the book had been left out or changed (which I suppose was inevitable) – having read the book was pretty much a pre-requisite for understanding anything of what was happening. Several major characters essentially reduced to bit-parts (Sirius, Dumbledore, Snape, Hagrid, Malfoy), and very confusing messages about various ‘ships. The books, I think, suggest Ron and Hermione as partners, while the films use Ron and Hermione as comic relief, and paint Harry and Hermoine as soul-mates with what you’d expect to develop into a mature, loving, relationship. Mind you, I’ve always disliked the films’ portrails of Ron.
I was also very disappointed that so much of the film was so different from how I’d pictured it in my head. Perhaps it’s just un-nerving because Daniel Radcliffe et al are actually growing up, and it’s very hard to picture Harry as a 15/16 year old from the books (in the same timeless way as the Famous Five never grew up) – quite another to see Harry looking, well old.
Emma Watson too has lost the childhood innocence and beauty, although I wonder if that was delibrately down-played in order to make her transformation at the ball more surprising. But so much of the book’s subtely and humour was lost – to the extent that this has now slipped off my “DVDs to buy” list. Of yes, and what was with Victor Krum’s eyes when he was imperioed??? If it was that obvious, it would hardly cause a problem to the ministry now, would it?
On the plus side, the staging and special effects were really good – very easy to suspend disbelief for magic, Hogwarts, and dragons. Plus it felt more like the length of Men-in-black than Lord of the Rings – no hint of a numb bottom despite it’s 3 hours of screen time. While not a outright miss, definitely not a sure-fire hit either.
Sometimes it is the differences between people that are more interesting then what they’ve got in common. For instance, when I listen to music, I like to be utterly absorbed in it. I love turning it up to maximum so I can’t even hear myself singing along, and just rocking. I don’t do this most of the because (a) it’s usually antisocial, and (b) it damages my hearing. I remember when I was involved in student radio, which was ideal because you got shut in a soundproof box with broadcast quality equipment and monitors that went really loud. You had to be a little bit careful playing vinyl though, as it was very easy to cause the record to skip from the pounding bass… and once or twice I got feedback from the needle!
But I digress. The point is that this philosophy of mine extends to listening to things on headphones. I don’t want to be able to hear the outside world, but rather be completely enveloped and surrounded by the sound. Come to think of it this is probably why I like surround sound. I like to be able to hear every nuance of the production without outside distraction. My dream is to have a soundproof basement when I can crank up the surround-sound without fear of annoying neighbours or waking children.
A. on the other hand is completely the opposite. To the extent that she doesn’t actually like wearing headphones when she listens to the radio, as it blocks out too much of the “real world.” This is fair enough when you’re driving, and need to be able to hear sirens, horns, etc (and don’t want to be distracted from the road), but when you’re listening to the radio as your sole activity…
I did actually splash out on some in-ear headphones, by Shure, which I mainly brought to be used as an in-ear foldback system when I play at church, but actually I’ve grown to love using as a matter of course at work (plus I don’t really seem to play at church anymore). They block out nearly all the ambient sound even before any music is piped through, which means the volume level can be much lower (indeed, anything above about 75% on my computer is uncomfortable!), and, being Shure, the fidelity is awesome. I’m looking forward to using them on the flight to Utah in June! Although my work-mates take great delight in walking up to me and giving me a heart attack by tapping me on the shoulder when I can’t hear them coming.
… but all this does beg the question about why we have these preferences? Is it just a gender thing – men are generally disposed towards one task at a time, so I like my music listening to be my sole focus of attention, whereas women are generally disposed to multi-tasking, so A doesn’t like not being able to hear what else is going on? Or is it situational? I work in an open-plan office that’s very noisy, especially lots of white-noise and colleagues coughing or chatting, so I try and shut it all out.. Whereas A is typically at home which is (a) very quiet, and (b) any noise is likely to be in need of investigating (e.g. Ben chuntering). Or is it just down to personality – I want to be absorbed utterly in the music, she doesn’t.
I’m a huge one for organisation, particularly when it comes to filing. I like my in-tray to be empty, and my inbox on the computer to be empty. Of course, this is not always possible, but I like to only have items in my intray/box that I need to process in some way – otherwise it belongs in another folder. People actually seem cleanly divided in this at work; they either have less than a dozen e-mails in their inbox, or several hundreds or even thousands.
My filing strategy is really so I can quickly find things, for example all the e-mails about conferences go straight into a e-mail folder called “conferences”, where I can refer back to them if need be. My physical filing system is the same – each bit of paper gets put into an appropriate file. This is actually quite a tricky process, as it’s fairly rare for a piece of paper or an e-mail to fall squarely into an existing category – for instance do my payslips go into my “Work” folder, or into my “2005/6 tax stuff” folder?
What started off this line of thought was that I also file away all the personal e-mails I receive according to how I know the sender – so I folders for “Family”, “Norfolk”, “Imperial”, “Leeds”, “School”, etc… These are a bit fuzzy, as several people who go into school I didn’t know from school, but rather met while I was at school, or through school friends. ANYWAY, the point is I made a friend while I was working at HTB – fine, all e-mails go into the HTB folder. Trouble is, I lost touch with her about 5 years ago, but now it turns out that she’s a really good friend of someone who I met at Trinity Bristol when I went down for an interview. E-mails from him are easy; straight into “Bristol” folder; but what about from her? Is she still an “HTB” contact, or is she now a “Bristol” contact?
Actually, it’s the same problem as on my PDA, where each contact is stored in a category (same as my e-mail categories).
The upshot of this – apart from to hugely embarrass myself by admitting such nerdiness – is that life is inherently messy. We like to categorize things, and put them in their little boxes, but life insists on throwing a swerve ball. It was one of things that came out of my selection panel: I like a neat and elegant solution, but that’s not also possible… or even desirable. The Cross is neither neat nor elegant, after all. And God cannot be put in a box.
